As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
