whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
