remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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