I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Houston, we have a squirter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
