just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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