i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize