people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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