i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize