what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
