sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
