Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
