The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
