I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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