he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
