It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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