I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
