Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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