I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
