I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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