she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
