I could have mohawked her pubes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
