to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
