1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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