I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
