So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
