How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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