you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
