Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
