Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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