Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
