someone threw a dead crab at me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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