Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
