Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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