She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
