just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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