Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
