I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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