You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
