U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
