there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
