she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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