my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
