I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
