exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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