dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
