How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
