Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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