it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
