This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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