I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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