So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
