is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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