if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
