I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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