3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
