you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
