how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
