WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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