First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize