Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
