I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
