I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
