Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
