you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
