At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
