I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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