Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
