recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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