Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
North Korea, Best Korea!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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