Can i not drive my cunt home
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
