Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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