Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
