it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
