I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
