Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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