i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
