you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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