Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i think i just lost a toe
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
