Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
