The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So squirting runs in the family.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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