It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
smell my finger.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
