I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
