It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize