i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
